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There was a principle reason for our trip to the Emerald Isle. It was Caroline's birthday - she was 26. It was also the 5th anniversary of our getting engaged. Definitely cause for celebration. We'd taken some of her birthday presents with us, but had felt we might not have space for every item and so there were some she could look forward to opening on her return to Geordie-land. Birthday excitement is a great thing to share and this was definitely to be Caroline's day.
We started our systems at Bewley's - an Irish coffee house which does Cappuccinos with heart-shaped froth. The breakfast we enjoyed was of a similar quality to that of a M&S breakfast, but with the extra advantage of coming with real scrambled eggs, rather than bizarre crumbs of egg that M&S peddled with alacrity back in Newcastle at the time. Then we went to Dublin zoo. Caroline likes zoos, indeed she prefers animals to humans (or at least did so at the time). Looking back at the notes I wrote back in 2002, I have found a doodling from the lady herself - it is a diagram of an Orangutan's chest, with drooping bosoms. Don't ask.
Dublin zoo was occupied by a combination of real animals and human animals. Perhaps at the time I was more easily offended by the scum of the earth that are now easy pickings in comedy clubs around the country. The composite verbal sketch I drew of these people reads as follows:
At the zoo we witnessed the sea-lions being fed and then fed ourselves with their special brand of lowest-common-denominator catering. Oh, and we saw lots of animals. It seemed to go well enough.
We took the bus back along O'Connell Street and were unable to find a particular statue which I'd read about in both "Are You Dave Gorman" and also "Is it me?" - Terry Wogan's autobiography. This statue is affectionately known as "The Floozey in the Jacuzzi" or the "Whore (hoo-er) in the sewer". We'd even learned a new name for it, from our new friend, George - "The Bitch in the Ditch". I'd even made up some names of my own for this water-featured statue of a lady - "The Poon in the Lagoon", the "Hoe in the Flow", the "Poontang in the fountain(g)" and the "Lass in the splash". But we never found it. So I'll never be able to describe it... unless I go back... and find it.
After a day's exploring, we'd found some animals, failed to find some stone work and it was time to get celebrating the evening. We had a table booked and all we needed to do was dress up and turn up.
19 May 2004
Ashley Frieze