Episode 6

The Oozing - Part 3

In the middle of redecorating The Outlook hotel, Gary Spotter, the fat Sweaty ball of pus, discovers a strange music coming from within. He decides to investigate...

It's amazing the things one will do to avoid the rigours of preparing to paint. Indeed, if you are a naturally sweaty person, any rigours are worth avoiding, particularly with insistent flies buzzing around your behind. As Sweaty crossed the polished marble floor of the hotel's atrium, he wondered whether he was investigating the music out of a genuine concern for security, or because he did not want to pick up another sheet of sandpaper at the moment. Considering how fearful he was feeling, he decided that the sense of duty might have the edge, but he reluctantly admitted to himself that he'd probably have found an excuse to snoop round the hotel, rather than paint its outside, anyway.

Just because Sweaty could adopt any shape he desired, and could summon strength and health to order, did not make him courageous. Having to shape change to avert disaster was more pressure than doing so at his own whim. His powers did not grant him invulnerability and certainly did not give him the ability to turn off any feelings of fear. As Sweaty climbed the staircase, which veered quite quickly to the right until it followed the polished marble wall of the atrium, he started to feel very agitated. It was as though he'd just downed his favourite coffee at Starbucks, his infamous quintuple-shot short-latte. More than many mugs could take, this caffeine hit always left him with a bubbling in his stomach, not unlikely the tension he now felt as he reached the landing and the music grew louder.

In order to explore the hallways to find the source of the noise, Sweaty decided to play intelligent lab rat. If faced with a maze, there's a methodical approach which will always succeed in the end. Pick a side, left or right, and follow the wall on that side, it will ultimately lead you past every point in the maze, including the exit or, in this case, thing you're looking for. Without an Ariadne to help him out in this situation, Sweaty decided to follow the left-hand wall. 

There were six hallways, and Sweaty thought he'd probably find what he was looking for in the sixth - invariably life tended to conspire to ensure he'd always have to put in more effort than he really wanted to. He explored the first two hallways without much luck. Each hallway contained five rooms, with the one smoking room at the far end of the hall and the non-smoking rooms at either side on the way down. The rooms were not locked, a measure in place when the hotel was closed to allow staff to clean or redecorate. Since Sweaty was not asked to redecorate or clean any of these rooms, he had not expected to see any of them. The rooms were quite a surprise to Sweaty. He had never seen luxury like it. The Outlook hotel provided each room with two king size double beds, a full entertainment centre, coffee and tea making facilties, a mini bar and trouser press. However, each room also provided a Jacuzzi spa bath, shower, double-lavatory, bidet and steam room. Clearly the rich and famous could have a lot of fun in this playground. Clearly Sweaty's summer job could have been a lot better paid than it was.

"I knew I should have held out for more money." he muttered to himself as he entered the third hallway of guest bedrooms. The music seemed louder here. As he listened, he recognised the music - it was Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge over Troubled Waters. This realisation came at the same time that Sweaty remembered he hadn't visited the toilet in a while. Although he had set out on this journey because he was thirsty, he was also in need of expelling water from his body in addition to the constant stream of perspiration that he was producing. As he entered the left-hand guest bedroom, he decided to borrow its lavatory facilities. As Mrs Hodgbottom used to say, never pass up the opportunity to take a piss.

To avoid having his back to the door of the bathroom, Sweaty decided to sit down for his toilet visit, and since he was already in the appropriate position, then decided to relieve more than just his bladder. Concentrating on his body functions and keeping his current shape (rather than reverting to his largely useless natural ball-of-pus form), Sweaty was largely oblivious of the time and sounds around him. When he had completed his trip to the guest bathroom, Sweaty washed his hands and opened the door into the adjoining bedroom. His hands were dripping wet, since there were no towels, and he was busy wiping them on his trousers when a voice said:

"At last."

Sweaty turned quickly to the right, where the main area of the bedroom lay, and saw the speaker lying on one of the beds. The music was playing on this room's entertainment centre - not as loudly as before, but still at a volume sufficient to render the current song "The Sound of Silence" ironic.

"Lisa!", he said, more to himself than to Miss Raymond (the employment agent who had originally taken him on), who was grinning at him from the vantage point of the bedspread.

"I thought I'd come and surprise you," said Lisa. "you've been naughty and not been answering your phone."

"I've been busy.", said Sweaty, defensively.

"I can see. That first external wall looks beautifully... smooth."

"The preparation is the most important part of the decorating." said Sweaty, worried that this employer's agent was going to lose him his job.

"Don't worry, I know.", said Lisa, attempting to reassure Sweaty. "However, I didn't come here to check up on you. I came here for another reason. I saw you come into this room and I followed you in... you take a while in the bathroom, don't you?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, I like a man who takes care of himself, and you take care of yourself well, don't you?"

"I do?" Sweaty didn't like the way this conversation was going.

"Yes. I thought perhaps you might like to take care of me too."

So saying, Lisa patted the bed and beckoned Sweaty to join her. With sweat developing where he didn't believe sweat could, Sweaty stood his ground. Although he presently had the form of a strapping, muscular hunk, Sweaty didn't feel like acting the super-lover at the moment. Apart from the fact that he was still recovering from his heartbreak over lost-love, Laura, Sweaty didn't find Miss Raymond attractive at all. She was quite a bit older than him for a start, she was probably about thirty eight, while Sweaty was only nineteen. Though he did not think age to be an important thing in matters of the heart, he also found Lisa to be physically unattractive. She was tall, thin, bony almost, with short-cropped blonde hair. Her face had a strong jaw-line and her nose jutted forward in a way he found unappealing. Her lips, rather than being sensuous in their fullness, seemed more like being fat; the lip-ring she'd adopted, perhaps as a talisman against her advancing years, seemed to exaggerate the bad points of this ensemble. Overall, he felt more threatened by her obvious affection than aroused or even flattered.

"Er... I don't think that would be a good idea." Sweaty stammered.

"Come on, we've got a good thing going here. I can really talk to you.", said Lisa.

"Talk to me? The only thing we've ever discussed is my contract of employment. I know nothing about you." Sweaty was confused.

"We're really good together, Gary. You're really wonderful. I don't know what I would do if I you rejected me.", Lisa got off the bed and crossed to Sweaty, putting her hands on his shoulders. "I've come a long way to see you. You're not going to be so ungrateful as to put a bit of painting over spending some time with me... are you?".

The harsh note of this last question, coupled with the strength of the grip on his shoulders, was starting to worry Sweaty. He decided to see what he could do to defuse the situation. He suggested that she join him in the kitchen for the drink that he had originally set out to get. She reluctantly agreed and, having turned off the CD, they both went back downstairs.

Will Sweaty be able to shake off the unwanted attentions of Miss Mid-life Crisis Raymond? Is this story going to end in tears? or just more sweating? Find out next time...

04 November 2001
Ashley Frieze