Episode 1

Once upon a time, there lived a ball of pus. His name was immaterial, since everyone just called him "That Fat Sweaty Ball of Pus".

He was not unhappy with his life. He lived in a sweaty house, with a sweaty dog and a sweaty cat. He had pus flakes for breakfast every morning and fat steaks for lunch. He never thought about venturing into the world outside.

However, one day everything changed. Something happened that would rock his world and send him out to challenge being fat, to challenge being sweaty and to re-evaluate being a ball of pus.

It was raining. The rain always dripped through the roof since it was made out of the gauze from a sieve. Sweaty never thought to change the roof material, since he liked the breeze, which dried some of his sweat and stopped him getting a sweat rash. However, this rain was not the normal run of the mill rain. This rain was a mixture of pollutants and sweat it was ACIDIC-SWEAT RAIN.

It would not take a qualified chemist to point out that a mixture of acid, sweat and the metallic deposits in the roofing sieve makes a rather potent formula, and this did. The roof started to give.

Sweaty was in bed and was too engrossed in the video he was watching to notice as the roof got lower and lower. Sweaty was now covered in a mixture of the acidic-sweat rain and his own juices. Suddenly, the roofing collapsed hitting the video, hitting Sweaty and causing an electric current to leap out of the burst video, through the metal roofing and to fuse with the moisture that sweaty was covered with. Sweaty found himself vibrating and hissing, he passed out.

When he came to, sweaty noticed a big difference. He wasn't sweaty any more, in fact, his ball like body was more straight, upright, human-like. The most notable thing was his pus, it was gone. Sweaty started to panic. All his life, he had been a fat sweaty ball of pus, no one loved him, but he had got used to it. Now, looking in the mirror, he was quite a handsome man. Tall, dark, muscular, the girls would find him interesting. But what about his pus? What about the fact that he was used to being round, used to being a ball. Then, it hit him. As he looked at himself in the mirror, wishing to be a ball of pus, he started to turn back into that ball.

He tried wishing to be tall and muscular - he changed back again. This was really weird. If he could change shape, what else could he do? He wondered if he could fly. Slowly, he flexed his mind and, sure enough, he started to rise off the ground. This was proving to be a really interesting moment in his sweaty life.

Not everyone finds themselves with amazing powers over the physical constraints of this world. Sweaty was determined not to waste his new talents. He had spent too long in his bedroom, too long watching videos and TV, too long eating cheese toasties. Now was his moment and he was going to use it. Sweaty stood upright, steam flowed from his body as his sweat evaporated, a jet of pus stopped and hardened - he was SUPERPUS. No one would be able to stop him now. He was tough, rough and had a penchant for interesting cheeses.

Will Sweaty get the girls, save the day and change the world? Or will he down a pint of champagne and go back to sleep? Find out in the next exciting episode.

Written: 1995
Posted: 31 January 2001
Ashley Frieze