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After a brief delay, which suggested that we might not actually get our desired room (since a few rooms were mentioned as being out of action by the receptionist on the phone to their house manager), we here handed the key cards to room 408. It was in this very room that we read, on the television, that previous guest's [sic] of the Shelbourne include Woody Allen, Princess Grace and even Peter O'Toole. We were clearly in good company.
After brief unpacking and exploring, we discovered the bathrobes in the wardrobe - hereafter referred to as the Pornstar Dressing Gowns, owing to their white Terry-Toweling texture (apparently ideal for sleazy pornstars - says Caroline). These gowns had a thick fluffy collar and the hotel logo splashed over their breast pockets. A sign in the bathroom both told you how to buy gowns like this, as a memento of your stay, and hinted in a most subtle and understated fashion (not) that these gowns are not complimentary gifts.
The wardrobe also contained a safe that has two modes of operation. You can close it using a six digit number of your own devising, which you can later use to re-open it, or you can use a credit card. Clever! The credit card is swiped to lock the safe, which obviously remembers the card's number so that it can only be re-opened by swiping the same card a second time. Genius... you don't need to remember anything at all (except which card you used). We were going to use this method to secure our valuable until, as happens with the amusing drawings of Jacques Carelman, the fatal flaw in the design hit us like a comedy thunderbolt.
Why do you use a safe? To protect things you won't carry around with you, lest they get stolen or lost. What might easily be stolen if it's not in a safe and you're out and about? Wallet? Money? Credit cards?... ah, so having used the lost credit card to lock all your other valuable away could be a bad idea then? Yup!
You'll be pleased to hear that, for the rest of our stay we used the 6 digit number method.
With the room fully explored, Caroline decided to have a rest while I was dispatched for supplies.
16 April 2002
Ashley Frieze