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When I first started writing this story, on 10th April 2002, I wrote of a journey to Teesside airport. I had no idea how soon I'd be returning. On the 20th June 2002, she left me for good, and used the same airport.
Having learned that the way to deal with watching her disappear, was to have something to look forward to, I had a trip of my own planned. I was due in London for the weekend. On the night of her departure I watched a couple of TV shows being filmed at BBC TV centre. So, I had a train to London that was leaving an hour or so after her plane to Ireland. There was no time to hang around.
We walked into the airport. We said our goodbyes. She was crying. I was not. I kissed her on the forehead and left the airport without looking back. I returned to the car and went off in search of Darlington's railway station. At some point between being dumped and helping her leave the country and the life we'd had, I'd dropped all notions of rescuing our relationship and toughened up to the fact that I was going to be alone and nobody but me could be relied on. I'd kept the news of the break up to myself until I felt I was confident enough to tell people about it without being all needy or asking for help to put my life back together.
I was strong.
I was also kidding myself.
20 May 2004
Ashley Frieze