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Every letter needs one comedy line...

For advice to be helpful, it first needs to be correct...

Dear Sir,

It is several weeks since the incident, about which I am writing, occurred. However, I feel that you ought to consider the issues that arise from this incident, which I found most distressing.

I have been in the habit of buying sliced cold meats from your Delicatessen counter in order to make sandwiches for work. On the occasion in question, I purchased some sliced roast beef. At the time, I noticed a slight green film on the surface of the top slice and asked to be given other slices. The assistant assured me that the green that I saw was a trick of the light and that they all looked like that. My girlfriend suggested that I should not buy the product, but I decided that your delicatessen assistant must be more accustomed to giving advice than my girlfriend and I bought the sliced beef, even though there was not a green light in sight.

I realised my folly when I found myself dry-retching over a toilet a few hours after eating the beef. My girlfriend, whose experience in Microbiology I had temporarily shunned, was right; your assistant was helpful, but naïve.

I did not spend too long feeling ill and I have been forgiven by my girlfriend for ignoring her sensible advice. However, I do believe that members of your staff should be more educated than the customers on whether food has spoiled.

I trust you will agree with me and take steps to avoid this re-occurring; I have an iron constitution, but I have noticed many of the infirm and elderly standing near your delicatessen counter and I would hate to have to warn them of its potential hazards.

Yours faithfully,


Ashley Frieze.

The letter was sent, but I received no reply. I should probably have pursued it further.

Written: 27 October 1996
Posted: 13 November 2000
Ashley Frieze