Written as a Morning News column

This never saw the light of day - I was not sure how the general public would take it. Of course, the discerning netizens are a different matter...

Are you polite? Do you care about showing courtesy to those around you? The headmistress of my primary school cared. She gave the entire school an assembly on the subject and drummed some simple rules into us all. So, when I was on holiday in New York, this summer, I automatically held the door open for the next person as I was leaving a bank. The New Yorker absolutely gushed with gratitude - "Oh thank you, oh a gentleman" she exclaimed. As I left the scene, I remember thinking that I was not just some gentleman but that I was an English gentleman. At that moment, I truly believed that every one of my countrymen was chivalrous, courteous and a cut above the rest.

Since I was taught manners at a young age, perhaps I can be forgiven for my childlike naivety. In fact, though New York is a very selfish city, English manners are not so far ahead as I believed. It is somewhat humbling, when you think about it, to see people so grateful for your courtesy when holding the door of a bank at the Bigg Market or when stopping to let someone across the road in a supermarket car park. The stereotypical English politeness, where the only disagreements between folk involve each person saying "No, no, please, after you.", has died alongside the classic literature that created it.

Take a look around you, there are very many selfish people. They live in every area of every city. Maybe they play loud music and disturb their neighbours. Maybe they drive above the speed limit. Perhaps they break into your house or spray graffiti on public property. There must be something lacking in people like this. Indeed, I think I can guess what is missing. Respect. If you have no respect for your neighbours or if you treat life as a fight for survival, then you will turn out selfish. In this day and age, there is no need to be like that. We have the education and the technology to rise above the barbaric.

Unfortunately, education is a key problem. If we do not look after our children then they will not have the more admirable qualities. In the streets near where I live, I have been spat at and sworn at by 10-year-old girls! How can this happen? What kind of upbringing must they have? The simple answer is that their parents are not showing respect, either to each other, to their neighbours or to their children. Problems such as truancy, underachieving at school and loutish behaviour can all result from a bad example set to the children by their parents. If you believe that your children will not turn out this way, then consider how much time you spend with them compared with how much time they spend being brought up by the television or other children. It is a large responsibility. If you get it wrong then you may end up with a three year old like the child near us, whose utterances were so obscene that they cannot be printed here.

It is not all bad. There are still people who are instinctively considerate and they, hopefully, pass this on to their children. It was especially heartening to watch the new reports of the fuel blockades with the protesters speaking reasonably with the police and allowing the emergency fuel tankers through. The protesters even cheered as these tankers passed. Perhaps the English spirit is not completely dead after all.

Written: 22 September 2000
Posted: 5 January 2001
Ashley Frieze