The Language Barrier

If you've read any of backlash, you will undoubtedly know of some of my pate hates:

When all three of the above problems converge, I get a little hot under the collar. In particular, I am often worried by abuse of language. Since language is virtually the only tool we have to convey our ideas, especially in letters, it is important to get it right. Think about it. I have devoted hours of my life to the apostrophell section, simply because the apostrophe's meaning is being worn away through misuse.

I'll not claim to be perfect, but I believe that I at least try and use plain English when writing letters to customers. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the lady, at Newcastle City Council, who wrote the following information about a forthcoming change to car parking regulations:

I am writing to inform you of a change within the Citypark Permit Scheme operating in Manors Multi-Storey Car Park.

At present, there are bays allocated to Citypark permit holders only on each level of the car park. Due to repeated customer requests, these bays are to be moved and located at the annex area of the car park and ground level only. The operation is imminent, therefore, I would advise that you observe the area as you drive in to minimise confusion and to enable yourself to be clear on the areas in which you can park. Signs will be erected informing the general public of this change in location.

If you have any queries please ring Miss J Brown on 0191 232 8520 ext 26025

I felt that the text was hiding the true meaning of the letter. Apart from the incorrect use of commas around the therefore, which should probably have been replaced with a sentence break, the language is up its own arse, so to speak. Therefore, I have translated portions of the text for mere mortals to understand:

Due to repeated customer requests

Because it will make our lives easier

these bays are to be moved and located at the annex area of the car park and ground level only.

moved to the ground floor and annex

The operation is imminent

We will do this soon

therefore, I would advise that you observe the area as you drive in

look out

to minimise confusion and to enable yourself to be clear on the areas in which you can park.

or you will get a ticket

Signs will be erected informing the general public of this change in location.

A hand-written cardboard sign will be flapping in the wind at the entrance for a bit

Maybe I'm being sexist, but has anyone else noticed that this flavour of linguistic gymnastics is more common in the women that work for monolithic bureaucracies? Whoever is doing it, though, it's plain to see that they could make everyone's life easier if they tried to phrase things more naturally and avoided trying to look clever!