It was hallowe'en and the seasonal squash were out in force. Asda (Gosforth store, Newcastle), not wanting to fail the spawn of satan who celebrate the witches' festival, were selling inexpensive Pumpkin's [sic].

They violated the golden rule: Vegetables do not require an apostrophe - unless they own something, which is unlikely.

My action: I spoke with customer services, who have a no excuses policy. I told them of the mistake in their sign.

Result: the customer services, who have a no excuses policy, have a no sodding-doing-anything-about-it policy when it comes to apostrophes - the illiterate bastards. They could have at least told me that they didn't care to my face!

21 November 2000
Ashley Frieze